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A New Chinuch Group for Parents

Dear Parents,

My name is Rabbi Tzvi Moshe Schultz, and I have a new chinuch project that I would like to share with you.  For the past 14 years I have been running a successful email-based chaburah for mechanchim, called the Chinuch Chaburah.  Boruch Hashem I have had a lot of success, and there are currently mechanchim representing over 200 different mosdos hachinuch from around the world who are participating.

This year I started a new chinuch group, geared for parents.  The goal of this group is to share with parents helpful chinuch insights, resources, shiurim, seforim, videos, materials, etc.  In addition,the highlight of the group is the ability to ask chinuch questions from a panel of over 100 mechanchim from around the world, culled from the Chinuch Chaburah group.  [See here for a list of the mechanchim: Mechanchim List]  Below is a copy of a recent question and the answers that were shared.

This group is very professional, and completely tznius.  No names of parents are shared at all.  It does not at all resemble a chat room.  It is only for providing chinuch guidance to parents.

I anticipate that I will charge $36 for a yearly subscription.  However, I will not charge anything until after Sukkos.  Therefore, you can join now for free and decide later if you wish to remain and pay.

Anyone who is interested should send the message "subscribe" to parentchinuch@gmail.com. 

Thank you very much,

Rabbi Tzvi Moshe Schultz

 

Shabbos Table Suggestions: Question: What are some suggestions for creating a more meaningful Shabbos table?

Rabbi Ezra Ziegler
Rebbe, Yeshiva Chofetz Chaim, Queens, NY

Perhaps (depending on age and stage) 

1- Asking them what they enjoy to eat and drink. 

2- Singing songs they like. 

3- Sharing Divrei Torah on their own, not necessarily what they learnt in yeshiva. 

Rabbi Pinchus Kohn
7th Grade Rebbe, Tashbar of Lakewood, Lakewood, NJ

Here is an idea regarding Parsha sheets.
Some parents pressure their children to do them, or “perform,” and if the child is not motivated, it will only make them more disinterested.
On the other hand, some children pressure their parents to do them, but this becomes difficult with several children and their various sheets, and it becomes more of a ritual than a meaningful time.
What I used to do was to ask them all for their sheets, and take a moment to look through them. I then put them aside, and went thru the Parsha with the whole family. I started with the youngest, and went to the oldest, and asked successively harder questions on one point, only then moving on to another point.
For example, I would ask the youngest for the name of the parsha – Bo. I then asked the next one up, what does that mean? Ah, “come.” So, I asked the third – who came to who? And then, why?
For the actual story details, it is even easier. What was the eighth maka? Then a question about what it was like. Then I would ask, why was this hard for the mitzri’yim? And then – how was this mida k’neged midah?
Of course, everyone can chime in with more details, then there’s challenge questions etc.
The point is that everyone is engaged at once, many are also learning new, interesting things they didn’t know, it’s a fun family discussion, instead of boring recitals or farhers
If deemed appropriate, jelly beans or the like can accompany some answers…
Some fathers might need a little extra preparation for this to work. And like any activity, it will be as exciting as you make it, so it’s not just “lean back and listen.” But it can really be fantastic.

Rabbi Shmuel Kranz
5th Grade Rebbe, Talmudical Academy, Baltimore, MD

1) Before kiddush, thank each child for their contribution or say good shabbos to each one and say how special it is that they are here.
2) Use one of the many Seforim with original questions (like Achas Shealti - R’ Yitzchok Zilberstein) to engage everyone in an enjoyable way.
3) Make a zemiros chart of songs everyone might like.

Rabbi Heshy Forster
Menahel, Veitzener Cheder, Chicago, IL

Shabbos table depends much on the age of the children and their interests. Games can be helpful but take time to prepare. I have seen games like bingo, matching memory, taboo etc. be created into parsha or general yahadus topics and played at Shabbos tables to entertain the family. Conversations should be geared to the age of the children, and if there are various ages, try to alternate. In general, it’s worth keeping the meals short and meaningful. Divrei Torah should also be geared to your audience, younger children will enjoy a story and older children may enjoy a challenging Halacha question to discuss or a real life dilemma that involves Halacha or Hashkafa. The key is to know your audience. If your family is musical you can try playing around with the Zemiros and putting different tunes to the standard Zemiros or some other singing idea to keep the interest and excitement. Variety is the spice of life. Change things up every so often and bring in the element of surprise with occasional new things.

Rabbi Yaakov Levitin
5th Grade Rebbe, Darchei Torah, Far Rockaway, NY

It’s a major work in progress but לולי דמסתפינא I would say that not only does תורה etc. need חיזוק, so do shabbos meals. First of all you want to make it extremely kid friendly. I found that by each meal you should read from the Zilberstein shaalos. The best books for this are called אחת שאלתי volume one and two. You should read the story which ends in a halachik shaala and then go around the table and get everyone’s opinion. Maybe a little treat for someone who can get the right answer. There can be more than one winner. After getting everyone’s opinion from young to old, you should then go on and read it to them. I do this by my shabbos meal and in class with my 5th grade talmidim, and everyone loves it. Another suggestion is to go to chinuch.org and search for “crack the code” by Rabbi Yaakov Levine. Print out enough for everyone by your table and make a game out of it, who can crack the Parsha code. I do this as well in class and by my shabbos meal, and it works wonders. Everyone is involved and they really look forward to it. I also send it home with my talmidim and the feedback I’ve gotten from parents is astronomical. It’s worth it. You should also have some good stories just in case. Make sure they are in captivating stories. Another idea is to have a lot of singing. In the beginning you may end up singing alone but what I’ve done to up the bar is, buy an added dessert and I tell the kids dessert tonight or by the day meal is ices, but if you are fully involved in the singing then there is another added dessert. That usually gets things started.

Rabbi Shmuel Kaufmann
2nd Grade Rebbe, Yeshiva Tomchei Temimim, Montreal, Quebec

Don't wait until Shabbos to start your Shabbos meal!
Plan everything in advance. Speak with each child during the week. Ask them what they would like to say/hear/sing, etc. Set realistic expectations and make sure they understand what is expected of them.

Rabbi Gedalia Goldstein
4th Grade Teacher, Yeshiva Toras Simcha, Baltimore, MD

Rather than preparing a speech, prepare a discussion. Start with a question. Praise and discuss whatever answers are offered. Have a good story, personal or otherwise, that connects to your topic. (Tip: When preparing, find a good story first and go from there.) Living Emunah on the parsha is good.
Another idea is to sing Shabbos zemiros as a family. Offer an incentive, if needed.
One final thought is not to fight with your kids to stay at the table. If they want to go play, let them. The older they get, the more they will want to stay at the table, iy"H.

Rabbi Yoseph Wernick
Rebbe, Heichaltzu, Phoenix, AZ

torahpoems.com
Is an excellent resource with a story, a poem, & fun Parsha questions for each week.
Another good resource is:
campcratesummer.com

Rabbi Yehuda Tzvi Friedman
2nd Grade Rebbe, Yeshiva Darchei Aliya, Brooklyn, NY

1- Prepare for it. Daven it should work out. 

2- Say entertaining stories. For younger children it should be said dramatically. For older children it should be riveting and interesting. 

3- Make it conversational. Ask about the week in school. Ask Hashkafa questions. Talk about your childhood. 

4- Sing and dance. Loosen up your mood so everyone can be happy. Arms over shoulders. Stand on chairs. Use motions. Hold children on your lap or put them on your shoulders! Just do it - you will not regret it!

5- Say divrei Torah. Ask your children to say over from school. Invite your big children to prepare their own. 

6- Ask trivia questions on Parsha or any other subject. 

7- Be well rested (or have some caffeine) and RELAX! It’s not always going to be perfect. It’s OK to bentch and not keep everyone hostage at the table. Roll with the punches.

Rabbi Chaiyim Noson Halpern
6th and 7th Grade Rebbe, Eitz Chaim, Manchester, England

There is a nice book from a well known Mechanech Reb Dovid Kaplan on this topic called "How to run a successful Shabbos Table"
https://www.israelbookshoppublications.com/store/pc/How-to-Run-a-Successful-Shabbos-Table-p1025.htm
It is important to appreciate the unique opportunity parents have when children are sitting around the Shabbos table to bond and inspire. With different age groups it can be extremely challenging sometimes - especially when there are younger children that can make noise. Sometimes it is better that they play on the side or in another room with some toys.
When this "parent-children" opportunity is valued, when it comes to questions about "skipping out a course" or "combining courses together" it is approached from a different perspective. The more "between courses" there are, the more chances there are to sing, fabreng, bond, stories, halochos and Divrei Torah.
Preparation is extremely important and the same way the food is prepared weekly for the Seudos, so too the "Ruchniyus" of the Seudos needs to be prepared too. There are many beautiful weekly sheets available to read through in advance and have divrei torah and holochos. Here are some:
1. Reb Meilich Biderman in English or loshon hakoidesh - subscribe to Torah+subscribe@torahwellsprings.com
2. Chofetz Chaim Heritage's - "Shabbos Menu" with stories and discussions for the Shabbos Table - info@powerofspeech.org
3. Hilchos Shabbos Group  - reach out to halochos39@gmail.com - based on Zochor Veshomor from Rabbi Falk - extremely clear and practical halochos.
4. Chukei Chaim - general halochos in English - subscribe to paskenshtibel@gmail.com
Also you can play "the number game" some sedras easier than others. Start at one and think of something in the parsha connected to one - then number two etc. - for example. Parshas Boi - One Hashem - the whole point of Mitzrayim was to acknowledge that Hsshem is The only Power etc., Two - Moshe and Ahron went to Paroah for the makkos, Three - makos in this week's sedra, Four -4 days keeping the sheep next to their beds. On each number you can have many answers, this reviews the sedra and can keep many different age-groups involved.

Rabbi Yitzy Moeller
Resource Room Director, Yeshiva of Spring Valley, Monsey, NY

1. For all ages, I create Parsha Puzzlers which have pictures and everyone has to figure out what they have to do with the Parsha.  

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tYQWFRYYyuV0F-XxyNtvtfPry1dQXcim/view?usp=sharing

2. Get a hold of the famous Sefer "What If..." and have everyone attempt to get the correct answer. https://www.artscroll.com/Books/9781422613160.html

3. Listen or watch the Parsha Shiur of Rav Moshe Meir Weiss on Torah Anytime or Kol Halashon and get fascinating yet practical things to discuss.

4.  Make or buy desserts with the parsha theme.

5. Read (or have some children read) from The Parsha set from Artscroll.  https://www.artscroll.com/Books/9781422628478.html

Rabbi Shmuel Reich
12th Grade Halacha and Bekius Rebbe and Shoel Umeishiv, Ohr Reuven, ADHD Coach, Monsey, NY

Though everything is subject to being calibrated to your personality, family, etc, here are some suggestions:
Do something meaningful (whether singing, stories, talk about the parsha, talk about something what in learning, etc.) for yourself (whether the kids are at the table at that time or not). Kids will see that the Shabbos table is meaningful to you and that impacts them.
Discussion questions about the parsha (or something else they may find interesting in learning). Perhaps Rav Zilberstein's sefarim.
Sing songs that they like. If they are able to be taught what the words mean that can be of great value.
Some kind of game with parsha questions. Some kind of prize system could be nice. (I don't know if anyone has a premade game for this.)
Review their week. This can create the appreciation of Shabbos as culmination of the week, as well as function as nice family bonding time. 

Rabbi Mordechai Edelson
5th and 7th Grade Rebbe, Scranton Hebrew Day School, Scranton, PA

Here are some ideas for creating a more meaningful Shabbos table. Don't try to do all of these at every seuda, and don't think that if you do what it says here, you will suddenly have ''the perfect Shabbos table''. There is no magic key, every family is different, and every seuda is different, even in the same family. This is a list of ideas that when combined into your shabbos table routine hopefully will help you slowly see some change, hopefully it will be a bit more of a meaningful Shabbos table.

·  Food. Serve at least one or two foods that the people at the seuda will enjoy, whether it is a salad or a dip or croutons, or dessert.

·  Zemiros. Sing zemiros that the people at the seuda will enjoy [depending on what the participants like], don't think that just because you like singing, everyone else does too. Try to find something they like, and don't overdo it.

·  Dvar torah. Spend time during the week to prepare a nice dvar torah, not a drasha or shmuez. Say something intriguing or interesting or challenging. Use the seforim of Rav Y Galinsky, Rav Schwab, the maggid speaks or others. You don't have to memorize it, it is ok to read from a sefer or from your notes, but prepare something beforehand. Mothers spend hours shopping and preparing food before shabbos, and similarly fathers should spend some time beforehand preparing a dvar torah and conversation pieces.

·  Conversations or discussions. There are numerous ways to initiate conversations or discussions. During the week try to write down things of interest that happened or that you heard or saw, and say them over at table. Repeat what the Rav said by his drasha in shul or at the shalom zachor. Talk about someone who made a siyum or had some other chashuv accomplishment. Your children will pick up from your conversations, what it is that you are machshiv, and that is what they will be machshiv. If something comes up that you are not happy with, change the topic of conversation. Mention any simchas that are happening in your extended family. If a child has an accomplishment, bar mitzva, going to high school or seminary, getting a job, talk about it. Ask them to tell you about it.

·  Stories. Tell over a story. It is ok to read it, but find a good one before the seuda and come prepared.

·  Ask child to say something that happened to them during the week or something they learned in school. If more than one child has dvar torah or questions, take turns one at night and one by day. If the dvar torah or question is too long, ask child if he minds skipping some. Pay attention and show interest in what children are saying, turn their comments into a continued conversation, by asking about what they said or meant to say.

·  Ask child to prepare dvar torah or you give him dvar torah to say over.

·  Take note that the Shabbos table is not meant to be like school or shul, it is meant to be a time for family time. People should be happy to come to the table, and comfortable to get up and play if they are young. Accordingly all participants are not necessarily expected to sit at the table the entire time. You are the anchor, meaning you are running your meal and they are participating. If little kids want to get up and play, why not? When they get older they will stay by the table, why must they be forced to stay at the table while they are still young? It doesn't mean that they shouldn't be expected to sit at the table at least part of the time. You can set limits for a child and expect him to stay until after the salad or chicken etc. depends on what your family is interested if you feel it will help.

·  Candy. You can give out a treat for those who participate. Don't make it into an issue, but give out some candy for nice dvar torah or zemiros etc. if you feel it will help.

·  Length of seuda. Keep the seuda moving, not everyone is interested in the things you are interested in. If people are interested, good, if not serve the next course, and move on to the next thing and then bentch.

·  Goal. The goal is that you attempt to create an appropriate atmosphere for yourself where those who feel like it can join in a nice shabbos table, some will participate, some will not, but eventually they will begin to look forward to the seudos, and also as they get older they will know how a shabbos table looks like. Every seuda may be different. Sometimes people are tired or hungry. sometimes they are fighting about a seat or who should serve. It doesn't matter if not every seuda is the perfect seuda. What matters is that generally speaking you are running the seuda appropriately, and in the big picture you will have improved shabbos seudos be'h. 

Rabbi Sender Feldman

Sgan Menahel, Menorah Grammar School, London, England

There is a lovely parsha riddle book by Rabbi Michoel Alterman which is enjoyed by all ages. Or, there is a quiz book made by a yungerman in Gateshead England, his name is Rabbi Chaim Goldkin who has made really good quiz books on Jewish general knowledge. They are good, toiredige, Shabbos table games.
A good story always goes down well, and the children come to look forward to the story. After the story, you can pose a question: what do you think we can learn from the story? You can go round the table with each family member trying to say something.

Rabbi Yosef Pruzansky
3rd Grade Rebbe, Cheder D’Monsey, Monsey, NY

There are many different ways of adding meaning to a Shabbos table. Only some will work for you and your family. The very fact that you are looking for ways is already a huge step on the road to success.
Chazal say, "one who toils on erev Shabbos, will eat on Shabbos". That statement holds a lot of importance with the Shabbos table.
And now for some ideas: An interesting story, an intriguing question, a unique halacha scenario, divrei Chazal that are fascinating, a treat that connects to the parsha, a child preparing a vort, once in a while a game, a list of songs that your family enjoys singing.

Rabbi Yitzy Robinson
5th Grade Rebbe, Ohr Reuven, Monsey, NY

First of all, building a meaningful shabbos table is a PROCESS! It doesn’t happen overnight. It takes developing a certain household culture that, in turn, leads to a meaningful experience at the Shabbos table.
Secondly, the goal should be an ENJOYABLE Shabbos table. An enjoyable Shabbos table brings kids to the table, and it will ממילא lead to a meaningful experience when the whole family is gathered together spending quality time together.
Some ideas to help it be enjoyable:
1. NO PROGRAM! There could be a time when you say a dvar torah every week or a story, but the more rigid the seudah, it very likely will lead to stress and angry feelings when things are not going like they were “supposed” to.
2. Questions and rewards are always fun.
3. SHMOOZE! About anything and everything. Let the conversation flow. This will help each child feel like they’re part of the seudah and are having a good time. It’s the regular conversations a family has where the relationships are built.
Bottom line: let it flow. Don’t try too hard. Have a interesting medrash at the ready but be okay if it never gets out. Let your children shmooze and get in on the conversation. 

Rabbi Shmuel Kleiner
Pre1a Rebbe, Toronto Cheder, Toronto, Ontario

Here are some ways to make your Shabbos table more exciting:
1) Sit in the middle of the table, not at the head, with your wife across, so that more children can sit around you. Make a rotation so that everyone gets a turn to sit next to you and your wife.
2) Sing z'miros that the kids enjoy. For example when you sing "Hashomer Hashabbos" instead of "Bein and Bas" say your children's names.
3) When clearing the table, think of an item that whoever takes it off gets a little extra dessert.

Rabbi Yechiel Cohen
Rebbe, Manchester Mesivta, Manchester, England

I put this together many years ago when my children were young
A number of generations have gone by since then
Enjoy:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18bdh2g1eJ_OKdWM89fsQ7pDMKvwHPUre/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=107717942074165630673&rtpof=true&sd=true

Also, here is an article about how to conduct a Shabbos table by Rav Dovid Kaplan:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/16qhTYoI6k9zbBJ0q0Xh1jE1OhqDKo8B0/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Ga_juma33yw45gG4bJ-pzDmVbnt0WQqZ/view?usp=sharing

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